Monday, July 5, 2010

Bad Day

I'm at a loss of words right now, There are too many questions that are going on unanswered. It's one of those days.
There are four little girls that lost their Daddy at approximately 8:30 p.m. last night. And I am at a loss as to why this had to happen to them, to him. They DID NOT do anything to deserve this.
At that, I spent a long drive home with my mind racing in every which direction. I've seemed to have more bad days lately than normal when it comes to the subject.
I'm hoping I am getting them out of the way for a while.
I do thing that the worst thing is life are having regrets. So many people say that they don't regret a thing...that nobody should regret anything...
What a lie.
There are so many things that I would have done different had I known what the future would hold.
I work to stay busy. I work to keep my mind off of things I don't want to think about.
Wow, I'm grumpy, I need real sleep, I need a real break, my head hurts, I'm pretty sure I'm fevered as all hell...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Thoughts...

I've come to realize how much I have grown in the recent months, how much I have learned about myself... I once was entirely dependent on another for everything--I couldn't stand on my own two feet. I didn't think I could.
I can. I am fully capable of standing on my own two feet with my friends and family by my side to hold me together on the days that I am falling short of myself, having a hard day. Someday, there won't be as many of those days anymore, but they will ALWAYS come around.
I've been working so hard on trying to show so many people that I can do it all by myself... and I shouldn't be. As far as I am concerned, if they aren't there for me to lean on, to talk to, to try to understand and be there for me, then they shouldn't be in my life anyways. The shut down mode that I've gotten so good at going into lately because of the whole mess, isn't good for me or anyone else.

Days go by, one by one. And like they say, yes, it slowly starts to get better. But that doesn't mean that their aren't those days where it's at it's very worst and it's like you have to start all over from the beginning.

I'm ranting and raving. I can tell I didn't get much sleep at all last night! I really should be getting back to work.... Need to stop thinking. :-P