Thinking Back...

16, straight A's, perfect attendance, dreams.
It's been rough since the day I said "I'm done, I can do this by myself."
I made it through with a lot of help from those who loved me, and I'm so thankful for them all.
Without the help of Teachers at school who knew my situation, I would not be making my way through college right now debt free having been able to prove my independence and claim my own.
Without the family of my boyfriend at the time helping me to stabilize myself having co-signed on my car and all else they did for me in allowing me to work to earn my stay.
Thank you to my own family, and apologies for all they had to go through. I was born to stand on my own and have done so.
Thinking back, I wouldn't change a thing and overall understand that all the bad that happened along the way got me to where I am now. I am proud to say that while I thankfully accepted help from those who gave it, I never asked for it. I am proud to say that I, from the age of 16, never asked for money to fill up my gas tank or to feed myself.
I am a worrier, I am a stresser. In the end, I know that it does pay off to be to proud. I was embodied with good work ethic by both of my parents and I would like to say I have a good head on my shoulders.
I am not sorry to have missed out on the High School and College party days because I was always looking towards the future knowing that there were more important things that needed done.
So many people told me I couldn't do it, they didn't have faith in the decisions that I was making.
I am happy to say, "I proved you wrong."

Slipping Away

It's been a rough couple of weeks and I'm unsure as to why exactly... Right now, most things are absolutely perfect with a little bit of rough and tough in between, as to be expected. I started a new job which I do like very much. While I loved my previous job, this one is a lot less stressful which helps while I am in school. I am still attending the University of Alaska Fairbanks working towards my Business Degree, so far, I have no regrets. Though I would love to just sign a form promising that if I do not take accounting, I will hire an accountant. ;-)

I've learned a lot about myself, but yet I have so far to go.

I am one who looks for the answer in EVERYTHING as well as the shortcuts to get to those answers. I am always in a hurry, I've got to slow down.

My head runs, literally, a million miles an hour. I look way to deep into some things, and it makes me crazy. I bottle up emotions, I bottle up questions... Until finally they explode over something so little that it doesn't make sense as to why I am being so emotional at that very given moment...

Today, I logged onto Myspace for the first time in years... I've kept it all along..becuase it's a lot of what I have left of my dad. but it too, is slipping away.. His profile is no longer a true profile and I worry that soon, it will be gone.

I miss his voice, I miss his hugs.. I miss calling to complain about everything to him... I miss calling for advice on my boy life... I miss my Dad. I don't know that this will ever stop...

Overall, I am happy.

I have my family back and I am looking constantly to the future (but not too far, cause I find that makes me crazy too) and a lot less to the past.

I am learning lessons in life that need to be learned...